Super Fullmoon

I am full
I have enough
I can let go without flying away
Like a stone skipping water
A lidless jar of pennies

Index Cards

Prompt: What do women want?

What do I want? As a woman?

I want to wake up everyday with the confidence that I find sometimes after a lot of work, a lot

of unlearning, and a ton of self reflection. I want to wake up with that knowledge, that truth that I found

without having to leave index cards taped to my nightstand. Whatever is opposite that truth, is so

ingrained into my body mind and spirit, that I cannot remember the truth with each sleep.

(Though, the more I learn, the better I sleep. That is true). But why is it so easy to get distracted from

what I know to be true; that I, a woman, a mother, a sexual being, an artist, a partner, and friend

am enough as I am?

Why do I have to talk myself into saying that I am beautiful? My body is strong and that is true-why does it also need to be small? Every day I have to remind myself that my size, intellect, potential, and talents are real and worth space on this earth.

So, what I want is all that time that it takes to remember, to remind myself, and to believe what is true. I want that time to make art, to write, to walk through the woods. I want to trust that I will be able to contribute money even though I spend so much of my time making and communing with nature. I want the time back that I have spent hating myself and other women, other people, who seem happy and productive. Who seem to have it all. I want the time I spent hating myself to love myself and move through this world with THAT feeling instead. I want that time of hate and confusion back to climb and give and laugh. I want to laugh. I want the time to laugh. I want to laugh and for everyone around me to laugh too. I want the thick air of other people’s hate and confusion to be unable to disturb my laughing and my self love. I want the anxiety of uncertainty that riddles my young daughter’s mind and body to be replaced with laughter and the all the time in her life that she will spend hating herself to be given back-times two-to love herself and move through this world with that truth instead. I want her to know that she has time to laugh and love and make and talk to trees. I want her to never ask me again is she is fat. I want women to look at each other as teammates and for our daughters to see it. So that as they grow they will never have to waste their time wondering if that girl is gonna take her down. I want to walk into a room and not beg to be there. I want to eat food and not have to talk about it or defend it to anyone-including myself.  I want to reflect on my day and see NO times that I was riddled with the anxieties and not just loving my kids. I want to live without needing permission. I want the index card industry to go bankrupt because we all just know, every morning upon waking that we are worth it. That we are worth waking up. That our work, our ideas, our strength, and our time is valuable. When we make speeches, we trust our words and speak from the heart and fuck the cards because when we make a mistake we laugh. We don't have time to worry anymore.